i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
