I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
