just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
