I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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