I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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