I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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