maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
