I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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