I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
