remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
