Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize