Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
