the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
