i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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