Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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