I want to walk on stilts...naked
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
