You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
