If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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