I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
