My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
