hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
