shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
