I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
