i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
