he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
