I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Randomize
