your parents love me but you hate me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
