new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
