Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
