I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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