Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
