U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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