Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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