just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
