Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize