Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Randomize
