I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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