The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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