It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
