i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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