If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
