im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
should my penis look like a turkey
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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