I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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