What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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