Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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