yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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