Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
