is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
