are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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