I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
