On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
