I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
