The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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