i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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