What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
