can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
