My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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