So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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