you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
