Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
