Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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