you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
