its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
