Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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