I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize