While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
