people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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