when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
