and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
