You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
