Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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