Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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