Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am naked and annoyed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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