My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
