dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
