It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
