Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need to calm my uterus...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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