i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
