well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
