im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize