but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
