somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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