I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
