when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize