Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
