I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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