listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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