Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
