we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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