Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
