we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
