BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize