Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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