I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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