the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
