If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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