due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
