my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My balls are so social today.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
