I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
