garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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