she smelled like a LAN party
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
