2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
