Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize